365 Days in Washington: The New Normal

Well, there must be something to be said about my lack of blogging since we got here. Is it because we've been too busy living it up in Los Angeles to be bothered with writing everything down? Is it because the title of this blog is no longer relevant to our lives? Is it because we are magically living the fairy-tale life I talked about having once we moved back and now we have no problems to discuss? The answer is, I don't know. The truth is, however, Will and I could have been perfectly happy living in Anacortes if we had rented a house and moved out of the in-laws.We both had stable jobs, managed to make a lot of good friends, and given the area, could have afforded to live in a decent sized house. And that's all I've ever really wanted in life: A place of my own where I could throw dinner parties and plant a garden. It took FOREVER to get to that place in Washington. Over a year. And when we finally got there, there was this tiny voice telling me to seize the opportunity to build a little life of our own, even if it wasn't in California. Now, I'm not saying I miss that lonely island, but I do miss the part where we were ready to walk away, just the two of us, and get a place like we were newlyweds.

Fast forward to this afternoon: I am sitting in the living room of a bachelor pad, watching the sun move from window to window, wondering how long it will take for us to be in that place again. Over a year? Now, I am always setting the expectations unrealistically high for Will and I. I predicted that we would both get jobs and find a place to live within 2 months of moving- needless to say, God had other plans for us. Will, only just this past week, was offered a full time job at BCBG, which we anticipated months earlier. And I am still hunting for jobs, taking a few temp positions here and there while I wait for the right place to sweep me off my feet and pay me a hefty salary with benefits and bonuses. It's hard to believe that this past January, on the 24th, we celebrated our three year anniversary. Three years!! And only a small portion of our first year was spent nesting in our own place. And as hard as it is for me to admit, living with roommates, whether it be family or friends, is becoming more and more normal...

My greatest fear, is that when this is all over, I won't recognize myself anymore. I wont know who I am in our marriage... That it will be like starting over. My identity used to be wrapped up in a combination of my home, my husband my need to feel in control. I loved being married and taking care of my house and my husband. Is it possible that those things might not matter to me once I am back in my element? Am I suffocating the person I used to be? Who knows, really. I suppose it is best not to worry about things you cannot change and instead, focus on what HAS changed... for the better.

For starters, Will loves his job at BCBG in the inventory accounting department. He no longer works at soul-sucking US Bank, dealing with customers who blamed him for all their financial problems. He sits at a desk, crunching numbers and listening to podcasts without ever having to talk to anyone about anything. His dream job, really. And me- I get to be whatever I want to be. I have endless opportunity to discover my calling. When we left Orange County back in 2010, I felt trapped... I felt like there was no where for me to go... I hated my job, we had mounds of credit card debt and way too many responsibilities for me to figure out what I wanted out of life... and after all thats happened, I finally found the space I needed to sort it all out. Now if only I could find a job...