So it's been just over a month since we arrived in the beautiful state of Washington and I am already starting to feel... detached? Yes. That seems like the right word. I am feeling detached from... everything. From my responsibilities, from my family and friends, from my life. I mean, here I am watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians when I should be at the gym or job hunting... or at least taking a shower. But the longer I sit in front of the tele, the less I care. It's all very frustrating. But as you know, it doesn't matter how many applications you send in because they never call you back, the house never stays clean, your friends have their own lives that you can't be a part of and no matter how many hours of cardio you do, the only thing that matters is how much you eat. And isn't eating more the point of working out?? So why bother?
I am not as depressed as I sound, honest, but I just don't know how to fit in here. You know? I thought that if I really wanted to start over that it would be as easy as just wishing it. It makes me sad to see my previous life stuffed into boxes in the garage... they remind me of my freedom. Even though I do enjoy spending so much time with Will and all the adventures we get to have... sometimes I just feel lost inside the vast expansion of the "starting over". So many loose ends to tie, so many goals that require a lot of work. I guess I forgot how long it takes to build a life. I am trying to enjoy the ride, though. And to stay as positive as possible, Will and I had been looking forward to a glimmer of our previous OC life coming to visit us. Shaun and Britt and some newish Washitonian friends come together for 4 days of adventure. Welcome:
It was just what we needed before we went back to our normal lives, full of adult type things. And maybe I will put all my worrying and reasoning behind me for another week or two. I feel more free spirited when I don't focus on things that weigh me down, anyway... And w ho knows? Maybe the universe will align because of my willingness to surrender and to let all the struggles we encounter inspire me instead of consume me. Who knows.
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